The thing that impressed me most during the time I dated Dave was not anything we did together but one of his homework assignments. The instructor gave him a color wheel and asked students to put together two strips of color and find the synergy or movement between the two: to find where colors created vibration. Dave was baffled by this assignment. For me, it was obvious, because that is where I live. Like turquoise between green and blue.
Three weeks ago I entered the corporate world and my Capricorn self is happy as a pig in shit. The other day I called my bank and set up three accounts: 1) a car payment fund to purchase my next car with cash 2) a Machu Picchu account for vacations – the first being Peru with my mom after chemo, 3) the Boys CCC account – College, Coach or Couch, in other words, “I did my best, here’s $X, go to college, go to Europe or go see Dr. Murphy and tell him how I messed you up. Love you.” I assigned 6% of my income for retirement to socially conscious stock accounts, signed up for insurance and called the accountant to make sure I’ve claimed the right number on my tax exemptions. That was easy.
But day to day, I forget its okay to loosen up, because I don’t know how to feel at ease on the borderlands. I’m afraid to show too much of my wild side – to let loose my gypsy nature. And yet I don’t want to lose my feralness for the sake of a retirement fund, because honestly my retirement is not on a golf course, but rather as some sort of spiritual mentor/midwife on a tropical island or mountain recluse.
Examples include: I interviewed a potential employee earlier this week with my shirt inside out (to my credit it wasn’t obvious to everyone) and overdressed for a meeting in LA today. My co-workers tease me that I occasionally dress corporate because they know I’m not. In fact, last week we went to lunch in my car, and though I gave the heads up my car was not uber clean, it was still shocking to all of us to see a dead Japanese beetle on the dashboard. I spent three hours cleaning the car that weekend. Today my boss saw me driving to LA and joked, : I knew it was Jamie’s car, because I recognized the stickers, but wasn’t sure it was her, because I could actually read them.” Sigh…
Progress not perfection. I’ve come a long way to be where I am today.. and each day I grow, seeking the comfort in the space that vibrates between colors.