What could I be learning from applying for 32 jobs in 75 days? How many positions for which I am qualified? How I don’t fit into this society? The ever decreasing value of freedom compared to the fear of bare cupboards for my children? Shame? Pride? The trivial nature of productivity? Time to enjoy nothingness? Exhaustion from scarcity of belonging? The importance of integrity or the sham of disguises? Meekness? Smallness? Obsolete or misguided? Do I really not care about contributing to this society? Do I follow gypsy wanderlust? Am I torturing myself for some long forgotten crime? How can I trust which path when I don’t see any? Is it a crime to write this…to expose my vulnerability? Will my loved ones fear for me or be repulsed and why should I care? The tarot card today said Creative Expression. Love to. Where? “
One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.” Friedrich Nietzsche
The sun is setting, which heralds the beginning of Beltane.. the Great Rite.. the conjugal union of Male and Female, Goddess and God. In the Wicca Cookbook, I wrote about my favorite holiday, “Beltane is a frivolous, lusty sabbat, dedicated to fertility and the returning of the sun.”
Fifteen years later, I realize it is so much more. It is the sacred communion with our inner soul’s mate and celebration of unwavering faith that through carnal pleasure we give birth to abundance and lush, rich creativity.
Beltane brings together seed and soil and raucously celebrates the manifestation while it is only an embryo of hope. This I must remember.
Beltane is the sensuous, exuberant expression of ecstatic joy in which we marry our Wild Self. We are turned inside out. Depravity is sacred. I can delve into indulgent pathos or be profoundly carefree. All is sacrosanct on Beltane, for it is a Celebration of Life. Not perfection. Life. We give ourselves completely to feeling, boldly raising this messy, flesh-bound experience to a place of honor and holiness. And we let go….